i'll be honest, i'm always looking for an advantage.  not pushing the boundries of fairness, mind you, just trying to eek out any extra bit of performance; physically, or tactically.  training races have come and gone and the real season is about to get underway.  it's go time and we've got to train the body and the mind.  these bike races aren't going to win themselves... 

i heard that there was some sort of big time meeting of bike racing officials.  now these are the guys that determine who finishes where in a bike race.  can't hurt to try to figure out what they are thinking, can it?  typical genius in my part.  get in the mix, figure out what's going on, collect a little covert intel, and be out of there.  nice.  always thinking, that's me. 

but how do slip in unnoticed?  we don't interface with officials much.  i would need a diguise.  something so that they would not recognize me, but i'd fit right it.  my first attempt at undercoverness was smooth and subtle, and I figured I'd mix in with that whole official's crowd effortlessly.

my wife and son disagreed, with some less-than-tactful remarks about my appearance.  they were fairly emphatic in their insistence that i would not blend in.  not blending in?  no problem.  how about something secret-agentish.  those guys are famous for blending in.  i was worried that a sean connery / austin powers look would have way too much mojo so i went with the next best thing. 

again, i was told that the image was all wrong.  still drawing too much attention to yourself.  still pretty easy to spot.  still sticking out.  there was only one option left.  ninja. 

ben was fairly insistent that though this would allow me to creep unseen into the meeting, hide and shadows, etc, it was far too lethal for a meeting of bike racing officials.  so i finally turned it over to them.  and man did they get it right.  flawless.  check it son...

a) the ray ban aviators, mandatory and soooo fly.

b) blue oxford with officials patch

c) notebook for logging racing numbers

d) pocket recorder to record numbers and thoughts about lunch

e) timer

so after all this, you're probably looking for some payoff.  regrettably, i came up with nada.  the whole thing was yellow line this and rule 2.a.4 that.  pit officials need to do the following: yadda yadda yadda.  and all this endless talk about looking out for the safety of bike racers.  it's as thought they think the endless string of comical, reckless, and boneheaded things we do are our own fault.  whatever.

- sg